A good man understands what it means to be a woman, the pressures that come with house chores, catering for everyone in the home, being a mother to the children and the husband as well.
The least you can do in the home as a man is to help out in building harmony of thoughts and deeds in your relationship.
The strength in your manliness should be a protection and a safe haven for your woman. It is the sole responsibility of every man to care for his woman, you don’t just do things as you dim fit. Whatever plans you’re making, include her in them since she is a part of you. As a matter of fact, you should consult with her before taking any serious decisions, such acts will boost harmony in your relationships.
Love and relationship actually means different things to different people. In truth, love, as it were, is merely a game or a business deal. Love is the deep feelings of affection you have for someone dear to your heart. This feelings could dwindle from time to time depending on individual moods, situations or circumstances. But if you truly love someone, there’s no limit to what you can do for that person to make sure the person is happy and at peace. However, love, at the first instance a business deal that come with lots of risks. It comes with the risks of pain and heartbreaks if the party involved is careless.
This is how it works. At first, we look for a person who matches our selfish specifications. A partner that satisfies all the requirements we have for the perfect catch! And this are the requirements:
- I will deliver the sex you require in return for continued loyalty, attendance and attention
- I will display my personality so long as you accept and celebrate if.
- I will support you if you support me.
- I will communicate nice with you as long as you communicate nice with me.
- I will share your interests if you share mine.
Once the relationship gains maturity it becomes:
- I know you have human sexual needs and I commit to relieving you
- I accept the anomalies in your personality because you tolerate mine.
- I support you because I care.
- I will talk to you nice because I always get the same back.
- I look forward to sharing more quality time with you because it’s always fine!
So, in the beginning it is a trade off, we decide if we are receiving what we need from a relationship. We evaluate the viability of our finance on the basis of personal benefit. This is the business of love! And in the end, it becomes a mission of service. We simply look after the happiness quota of our partners.
There can never be a relationship much more rewarding than the one with a happy ending, “And they lived together, happy ever after,” nothing else can beat that because it’s a win – win situation for all concerned. What else would you ask for in a relationship? The “…live together, happy ever after” is the best part of any relationship. This is indicative that through every trouble the couples underwent prepared them for what they’re called to do. If a couple could manage the problems they suffered during courtship and still are able to stick together thereafter, it means there’s no kind of storm they weather after they’re married.
Does it mean the couples might not have problems any more? No, it actually means that they will be faced with problems, maybe even worse ones but they will be able to deal with those problems and sail through to the other side unscathed because of the romance in display in their love life. Romance is key to understanding yourselves better in a relationship. However, where there’s no trust the relationship suffer a breakage. Therefore, trust is the real deal in every relationship, without which your relationship will only suffer unnecessary issues of distrust.
I borrowed my title from Steve Harvey’s book on keeping strong and healthy relationships. That title suggests men should man up and be men, to have or make plans for their relationship with their women. It also tries to encourage and advice men on the peculiarity and complex nature of a woman and how a man can handle, harness them to create harmony and love in the home. You’re the man in the house. So, be the visioneer that you were created to be. There’s something very spectacular about the way and manner ladies behave that affects her actions, find it out and be the man for your woman.
In Mr. Harvey’s narrative, his daughter, Brandi was dating a dude. He had visited the house about four times.
The last time he came over, Steve Harvey was in the kitchen with his father in-law making sandwich while the young man was sitting at the table. So, his father in-law in his 80s said, “Ahh! Young man, what’s your plans for my grand daughter?” And the young man said, “Ahh! I ain’t really got no plans.”
At that point, Steve Harvey stopped making the sandwiches and said to the young man, “Hey, my man, every man has plans for a woman. We may not her what the plan is, but the moment we walk up to her and introduced ourselves, we have a plan. So, what’s your plan for my daughter?” He said, “Oh! No, it ain’t like that.” And Steve asked him, “What do you mean by that?”
So, it was Steve Harvey, him and father in-law. Now, Steve Harvey’s father in-law was really a good old dude. He again said to the young man, every man has a plan for his woman, “What is your plans for my grand daughter?” He said, “Honestly, I haven’t really thought much about it!” Steve said to him, “Come on, man, let’s cut this bull out. You’ve thought about it because you’ve been here four times, my daughter seems to like you a lot. So, tell me and my father in-law what your plan is for my daughter.” For about 10 minutes, he looked at Steve and said, “We’re just kicking it!”
“Cool, Brandi…” Steve called out to his daughter from the kitchen and said, “Sit down.” And he said to the young man again, “My man, tell my daughter what you just told me and her grandfather your plan is for my daughter.” He said, “Well, I told your father, we’re just kicking it.”
Brandi’s face just cracked, she was so hurt that she got up from the table and walked away. So, Steve Harvey went after her and sat beside her and she said, “Dad, I can’t believe he said that.” Brandi in anger said, “Dad, why did you make him say that?” Steve said, “What? You don’t wanna… No? You see, that’s the problem, you all wanna go along with this…, like it’s alright. Let’s find out today whether you have something or not. So, you can go on with your life.”
So, she asked Steve. She said, “Dad, how do you know this stuff?” He said, “Baby, I’ve been a man the whole time, I’ve never deviated, I ain’t never tried anything I ain’t curious about, else, I do manhood.” She said, “Dad, you know how many women don’t know that?” And he said, “I don’t know, I am just telling you.” And she said, “You ought to write a book.”
According to Steve Harvey, that’s what gave birth to his book, “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.”
The Lady’s Act:
What is so spectacular about the ways and acts of a women? I have not really read Steve Harvey’s book, “Act like a lady, think like a man” but from the prelude I read and heard him say, every good father loves for his little girls (daughters) to end up with the right kind of man for a husband and not just some jerks hanging around his daughters.
Many people asks that question very often. Seldom do they know that every “heaven-sent like” relationship is predicated on the individual sacrifices of the couples involved, each person overlooking certain the weaknesses or mistakes of your partner, and communicating them one to another in the bid to amend. Listed here below, are 19 (nineteen) secrets that will raise your relationships from that boring, tiring and “I’ve had enough of that” state to a high, ecstatic realm of bliss. These secrets are based on the study of healthy, happy couples and our changing gender roles:
- Women appreciate a guy with a sensitive side especially when they’re upset: When your woman isn’t upset, you don’t get begin to boil up too, you should take charge of the situation to pacify her. Put your arm around her and hand her a tissue. Nurturing is a powerful way to connect.
- When it comes to romance, many women do like men to take a traditional masculine role: This is especially true in the wooing stage of a relationship, according to psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, who’s written several books about love. She’s perfectly capable of pulling out her own chair or opening a door, but if you see her hesitate, she might just be waiting for you to be the gentleman.
- Dress to Impress: Styles come and go, but a man’s attention to his grooming and clothing should be long lasting. It’s important to women from the first flirtation through the honeymoon and beyond. “You’ve got to figure out if there’s a certain look that she likes,” says Kirschner. “If she likes a guy in tight jeans, you wear tight jeans.”
- Guy Wears Red, Guy Gets Girl: This tip doesn’t come from women, but from clever testing by psychologists of women’s subconscious preferences. One intriguing study found that the color red made men seem more powerful, attractive, and sexually desirable to women. There’s a caveat, though. Red doesn’t make guys appear nicer or kinder. That part is up to you.
- Don’t Hide Your Flaws: Nothing captures a woman’s heart quite like a good man who wants to be a better man, according to love guru Kirschner. “Women love personal growth, they love a man who is thoughtful and sensitive.” She likes it when her man recognizes a flaw — a short temper, for example, or a regularly sullen mood after work — and loves it when he makes an effort to address it.
- Don’t Try to Fix Her World: When something’s bothering her, she wants your ear, not your advice. “Men feel the need to fix things because they are solution-oriented,” says Kirschner. “But to a woman, really listening is a wonderful, wonderful thing that deepens the relationship.”
- Nodding Is Not Enough: Listening is important, but she also wants to know that she is being heard. Nodding along won’t cut it. When she pauses, she’s giving you a cue to respond in a compassionate, caring way, says Kirschner. If she tells you that she is upset because her boss gave her a tough time, she wants to hear you say, “I’m sorry that work was such a drag for you today.” And remember: Resist the urge to offer solutions.
- Date No. 3 Is Not a Bedroom Key: The three dates before sex rule is an urban legend. Women don’t set a timeline on when they’ll invite a potential partner into the bedroom. Some women will want to have many dates before sex. A good rule of thumb is to give the relationship at least two months to grow before entering the sexual arena.
- Women Like the Slow Lane: Guys often want to take the quickest path to sex. But many women prefer the scenic route. “Women want sex but they get to it in a different way,” says psychologist Kirschner, who has helped hundreds of couples achieve a more rewarding relationship. “They want to feel connected and understood, they want to be romanced.” That means time and talking and touching — in other words, foreplay.
- Safe Sex Is a Turn-On: This is something both of you need to focus on, but Kirschner says that women appreciate it and feel more protected when the guy makes it clear that it’s a concern to him — and then shows her that he practices what he preaches.
- Learn What She Wants in Bed: Women do like to talk to about what’s going on in the sack, and they want to please their man — and a tactful approach is often best. Ask her what she likes. Be sure to ask for what you want in a positive and validating way. Kirschner advises saying something along the lines of, “I would really love if you [fill in the blanks].”
- Performance Anxiety Is Shared: When you have an off night and can’t perform, she feels bad, too. She might worry that she no longer turns you on and she will want assurance that that is not true. She will want to talk about what’s going on and what you are doing about it, especially if it’s a recurring problem. “It’s a touchy thing for both of you,” says Kirschner, “but talking about it is a plus.”
- Mirroring Is a Barometer of Love: Remember the saying “imitation is the highest form of flattery?” A woman often conveys how she feels about you by mirroring your moods and moves. She may order a meal that pairs with yours, wear your favorite color, or smile or cross her arms when you do. Mimicking is her way of putting you at ease and letting you know she is charmed.
- Your Shirt May Be a Love Magnet: Does your partner curl up in your sweater or sneak into your work shirt? Some researchers have found that the scent of a man’s perspiration has a relaxing effect on women.
- Say It, Again and Again: Women like to be told they look nice, and they like a man who notices without being told. When she’s wearing a sexy new dress, for example, she’ll give you major points for saying how hot she looks, especially if you mention the dress before she does. If she’s looking particularly attractive, if she has a new haircut, if she’s looking more fit — let her hear about it.
- Don’t Fear the Relationship Talk: When your woman wants to talk about the relationship, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong (well, not necessarily). Kirschner says that many women like to talk about the “state of the union” – what’s going right, what’s going wrong, or simply what’s going on. This is a good thing. An honest, wide-ranging talk can bring the two of you closer.
- Look Your Partner in the Eye: You may feel more comfortable sitting side by side, but many women prefer face time — and we don’t mean the latest mobile video chat technology. Kirschner says that women prefer their men to make eye contact with them as they’re talking. And looking her in the eye during sex will deepen the relationship outside the bedroom.
- Don’t Miss the Moment: How do you know if she is ready to commit? She’ll say so. This is something that women are often quite up front about. But they don’t want to have “the talk” too often. If she’s ready and she’s given you time, the next time the subject comes up, be prepared to step up or step off.
- Romance Is Simple: Keep It Coming: Romance is something she will always want, whether you’ve been together two months or 20 years. Flowers, an intimate dinner, a few lines of love poetry – don’t worry, they don’t have to be your own -might sound cliché, but Kirschner insists that most women appreciate such simple romantic gestures and often show their appreciation after the lights go down.
Now, the question to ask is, how feasible are these secrets in an African setting? Romance seemingly has never been a part of the African man. How would these secrets work for an African man or the lady herself? Since, it is not what she grew up to see in her parents? We know that habits rub off on children, children in the neighborhood play daddy and mummy, we all did that. If Africans are to play back in their relationships or marriages what they learned from their home front, I bet you, there isn’t going to be any happy relationships at all.
Think Like A Man.
How funny this can be! You’d think, since we are all human beings, our thought pattern would be same and since we all face the same problems every human battles with. But men actually think way more different than the way women thinks. A common problem is that women think men are cut off from their feelings. … Women feel happy right in the middle of their chest, like a vibration of happiness. A man, when he feels happy, it’s his upper chest and shoulders and neck that fill with energy. If you’re watching him, he will literally puff up.
Women wonder, “Does he think about me as much as I think about him?” Alison Armstrong gives you expert advise on how women can better understand their men. If you he says, “We are more different than we can imagine! The only way that I have discovered that men and women are alike is in our core desire. A desire to be loved, a desire to be accepted exactly the way that we are. And a desire to love, to love fully and to have one’s love fully received and cherished.” Our core desires as human beings remain the same. Follow them up to ever enjoy good relationships with your spouse.
Listed below are great secrets you might need to boost your love relationships.
- Avoid Guy Stereotypes: Just as women don’t want or deserve to be stereotyped, neither do men. Men can be introverts or extroverts, goal-oriented or wanderers, and so on. In order to get to know him-not as “a guy” but as an individual-ask him questions. Then sit back and let him do most of the talking. He’ll return the favor later if he’s interested in pursuing a relationship.
- Know When He’s Flirting: Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a guy’s flirting or just being friendly. Watch how he is with others-men and women-to gauge his natural personality against any attempts to be especially charming around you. Does he treat you differently from everyone else? Does he preen in your presence and make lots of eye contact? He may be working up the courage to ask you out. Give him subtle encouragement if you think he needs it.
- Let Him Express Himself: Stereotypes of how men “should” act can make some men uncomfortable expressing their emotions. Give him the reassurance he needs to know that it’s okay to express what he’s feeling and that he doesn’t always have to keep up the tough guy act-if he has one–when you’re alone together. There won’t be much mind-reading or “understanding” necessary as long as you give him the opportunity to feel comfortable expressing his thoughts and feelings with you.
- Allow Him to Feel Like a Man: Though men and women are more alike than some members of either gender would care to admit, many men still want to be the providers. Even when a man knows his significant other is completely capable of solving problems or taking care of herself, he likes to be a hero sometimes. When a chance arises to let him look like he saved the day-with a repair in your apartment, for example-step back and let him do it.
- Touch Him: Touch is important to most men. Give him an impromptu shoulder rub or kiss. Sometimes that’s all it takes to brighten his mood and get him talking. Understand that for many men, touch is a language all on its own and simply touching his arm during a conversation can say a lot.
- Show Him: Sometimes men aren’t sure what you expect from them. Understand that sometimes men make the wrong choices and do the wrong things because they’re not sure what your stance is, not because they don’t care about your feelings or want to hurt you. Clue them in to the things you would appreciate. Many men truly want to please their partners but just don’t always know how to do so.
- Give Him Space: Of course you want to spend time with your guy, but if you don’t allow him to explore hobbies and spend time with his friends, it will be a death sentence for your relationship.
- Compliment Him: Men like compliments, too! If you admire the way he handled a situation, let him know. If you like his shirt choice, tell him. If you make him feel good about himself, he’ll want you around more. Just be sure your compliments are sincere. When you say sweet things to your boyfriend, husband, or even your crush, you’re strengthening your bond and letting him know he’s appreciated.
- Have Other Interests: Many men enjoy the thrill of the chase. That doesn’t mean that as soon as he’s caught you, he’ll get bored. However, making your life revolve around him will turn him off. Show off your confidence and make sure that you have a life outside of your relationship in order to keep him interested. As a bonus, maintaining friendships and interests outside the relationship will ensure that you stay well-rounded and intriguing, and you’ll feel better about yourself. You’ll also have much more to talk about with your guy when you get together again.
- The Biggest Secret About Guys: So what’s the big secret? Don’t get caught up in the differences between males and female minds because they’re more similar than you might think. The formula for understanding guys is the same as the formula for understanding anyone-communicate, ask questions, show your interest in him, use touch as a communication method, and give him space when he needs it. Sure, there are times when he just wants to feel like a man, fixing things and providing for his significant other. Just step back to allow him to express his feelings through actions and words. A lot less intuitive understanding is required when you’ve opened the roads to open communication.
Both the man and his woman needs to understand each other, avoid those pitfalls that will cause misunderstandings in their relationship.
“Happy ever after” relationships are not myths, they’re not made in heaven either. They are but little patience every now and then, “Honey, I’m really sorry for acting as a jerk.” “Sorry darling, I didn’t know you were angry. Please, forgive me.” these phrases can heal a great deal.
There are other countless offenses I cannot mention here. I have always been an advocate of “making it work.” Many people come up with mere excuses why they should divorce. Well, that isn’t bad if you can’t stay together anymore but you need to know that changing one woman or one man does not guaranty safety whe and you get to the other person. In my part of the world, there is a popular phrase the guys use that irritates me, they call it, “Social accident” that means a girl is pregnant for you and you don’t want the baby.
What was an accident there? We all know the consequences of sex, the result of sex is pregnancy, so what is the accident when you have sex with a fully grown, healthy, and mature woman? Why did you consider those options first before engaging in the act?
As men, we need to man up and stop acting like jerks, don’t do the crime if you cannot bear the consequences. What are your plans for that woman or are you just “kicking it?”
Relationships are not for boys, boys are just “kicking it” but men are the real deal. They take the relationship from one level to the next and make sure that their women are well taken care of, happy and are at home in peace.
Stop with just “kicking it” and be the man for your woman. What mistakes you all made, so long as you both came together to stay as husband and wife, learn to “make it work” what makes you think that when you leave this woman and goes to another, you won’t find even worst problems?
Make it work man…
insidetimsmind 
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